These are just the very basics--this does not get into any given therapist's methods or theory. We are talking straightforward therapeutic courtesy and bare-bones requirements. If your therapist or counselor is not offering you the basics or is offering things that should not be happening, then they might think a new profession and indeed you might think a new therapist or counselor. They whether have not themselves been on the client end of the therapy interaction, have not been with a respectful therapist, or did not learn despite training and example, which would be the worst possibility.
I wrote this report after having heard one of the most pathetic stories about a doctoral-level therapy / counseling practitioner I have ever heard--short of actual abuse or other illegal behavior. I am not along with most things that should be in the practitioner's code of ethics or the law. Those things, however, are sometimes violated too.
In therapy or counseling you should get:
1. The absolute, undivided attention of the therapist or counselor on You (with some occasional and minor lapses being standard and probably expected...). Furthermore, you should be unconditionally prized and supported (within reason) and the therapist or counselor--again, within reason--should not 'judge' you or your behavior so much as he or she should search for and call your attention to things he or she notices.
2. A relatively quiet and private climate that remains consistent in terms of location is commonly very important. Some therapists may take you to locations definite to your problems in order to work on them, but the majority of taste should be private and consistent. For example, a therapist or counselor might occasionally take you onto a bridge in order to address your bridge phobia or fear of heights.
3. Informed consent to therapy so that you know what therapy involves and does not involve and are still willing to participate. The therapist or counselor's office policies and usual procedures should be outlined, as well as the times that he or she can or must break confidentiality. Informed consent can, to some degree, also help you to know when the therapist has truly violated a boundary.
4. Clear discussion of fees and fee arrangements, along with what happens when sessions are missed, any insurance arrangements, and so on.
5. Although depending upon the type of qoute being treated this may indeed become a repeating and important part of the therapy, in nearly all cases the therapist should apologize or otherwise make things right--or at least productively search for what happened--if something has led to negative feelings.
Things you should not get--please note that even astounding therapists and counselors occasionally slip up on these, but if it occurs too often there are problems that need to be dealt with--perhaps starting with your departure...:
1. A therapist or counselor whose main focus in the session is his or her self. There are many therapists out there who talk amazingly often and enduringly about themselves! If there is a lot of this, it is Not normal. Run away. Unless there is some therapeutic reason, more than brief and collective personal sharing about the counselor or counselor's acquaintances, friends, or family should be a red flag about a perhaps self-centered or temporarily stressed practitioner who uses paying clients as collective time-fillers, friends, or ego-supports. Even 'gossiping' and getting the client's 'oh my' reaction is a sign of this if there is no good clinical hypothesize for the disclosure. Finally, such persons may basically use paying clients as therapists / counselors!
One good hypothesize for therapist self-sharing might be to give slight and standard data about how someone else--including the therapist--learned from and coped with something very similar to what the client is going through. Also, late in a long-term treatment a bit more revealing from the therapist is perhaps more acceptable, but not a constant focus. Another standard time for a therapist or counselor to share about him or herself is when they use their own inner feelings about you or your situation to help you learn something about yourself or your situation. However, a good counselor will be cautious and sensitive in how they use such information.
2. Changes in the conditions or fees unless discussed with and agreed to by you. I have seen it done by excellent therapists in terms of raising fees or changing the financial rules in the middle of a procedure of therapy or training, but I do not agree with the practice. Especially if work has been going on for some time, the client is now more likely to agree to the turn even if he or she does not indeed want to--because an intimate and valued process has started. Therapists who need to raise fees should do so with new clients. Fees and other financially associated rules are a surprisingly sensitive area for both therapists and clients, and once set should commonly be left alone. If you are having serious financial trouble, however, the therapist should offer a lower fee or other temporary arrangement rather than simply terminating therapy or counseling only because of the financial issue.
3. Therapists who rejoinder the phone, text, email, etc. While a session--unless it is for a purpose that will immediately help the client, or unless the therapist or counselor is indeed 'on call' for a birth or a death. I cannot even come up with the words for this one. Rude does not suffice. It is enough that we have to endure loud (and personal!) conversations in gorgeous surroundings, movie theatres, and fancy restaurants, but in a process in which the client pays for calm, undivided, intimate attention to his or her deepest concerns? My jaw hurts from dropping open whenever I hear this one.
4. Therapists who take care of delay-able personal needs While the session. Filing nails, seeing in a contract or mirror, enduringly fixing his or her hair, checking their schedule, eating, using the restroom (like a 5-year-old on a car trip...he / she should have done that beforehand--unless the therapist is so sick that he/she probably should not be at work anyway), and on and on. Drinking water or drinks is commonly less disruptive, but if done it is nice of the therapist or counselor to ask you if you would like something.
5. Therapists who are often quite late and do not make up the time, or who otherwise do not respect the therapy hour and comprehensive process of the therapy as a whole. Your therapist or counselor should be taking quarterly vacations or he or she will not be as effective. However, that does not mean that he or she should be vacationing every two months for 2 weeks at a time if you are having serious problems at that time.
Hopefully, you do not run into these last 5 'should nots' on your journey, but if you do I wish for you the impel and savvy to find yourself a great treatment situation. The first 5 'shoulds' are moderately coarse to find in most therapists, which is the good news. However, given the outrageousness of some of them, the last 5 'shouldn'ts' are surprisingly common! Here's to avoiding them if possible.
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