Sometimes to stop a problem behavior you need to prescribe the problem behavior. Much like vaccination where a small bit of the disease is injected into the principles to help the principles build immunity, paradoxical intervention promotes a small bad behavior in the hopes of ending it.
For example, let's say two siblings are fighting; not serious fighting but verbal name calling and maybe some pinching and pushing. Normally, the parent would tell them to stop it and that commonly only works for a few minutes, at best. So, instead of telling the siblings to stop, the parent suggests a set time and place where they can engage in that behavior for a small duration of time. A space needs to be created, let's say the stable or playroom. A timer is needed - as is a referee. The idea is to allow the siblings to engage in this behavior for, say, 20 minutes. There must be rules such as no hitting, spitting, throwing hard objects, etc. Rules for what they can do are also established: they may be allowed to name call, yell, and maybe even throw pillows. In fact, it can be arranged to be a pillow fight with the same conditions and guidelines. The siblings need to be included in making the rules. They are allowed to engage in this behavior without punishment or reprimand.
Another example: let's say a child is overeating. Instead of trying to limit the whole of food being eaten, try paradoxical intervention by gift extra food. If the child is eating a whole bag of potato chips, offer other bag. Here the idea is to have the child at last refuse the food offered. If this is kept up, the child will be refusing more and more and that may help form the behavior of saying no to extra food.
In every singular case, children engage in behaviors for a intuit and most of the time that intuit is to fulfill a need. The need may be attention, it may be love, it may be a way of expressing anger, and it may be a form of communicating something. By showing the child that you are not trying to stop the behavior but authentically willing to let it increase, may tell them you are interested in discovering the intuit for the behavior without saying as much. Children won't be able to riposte "why are you doing that." You'll probably get "I don't know" as the answer. But, if they sense you are on their side and not against them, they are more likely to delineate facts which otherwise would have remained unexpressed.
Paradoxical intervention, sometimes referred to as reverse psychology, needs to be handled with caution as it can backfire. For example, a young child who is refusing to eat evening meal can be told they authentically cannot eat any dinner. Often the child, wanting to be oppositional, will then question to eat the dinner. But, sometimes they might just say "good" and walk away from the evening meal table. Paradoxical intervention is best used when other interventions have not worked. The parent needs to think it straight through and then give it a try. If it's not working, plainly stop.
Parents need to perceive that on their side doing the same thing over and over, like telling their children to stop this or stop that, and hoping for a different result, is, at best, silly. The definition of insanity is somewhat jokingly defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If, as a parent, you are not getting the results you want in your children from your current behavior, plainly do something different. Paradoxical intervention is ordinarily something very different and quite often does create a different response.
