I once heard that "anger is not getting your way." I thought about that for a long time, but never unmistakably identified with that statement. What I came to believe is that "anger is a response to things not happening a "certain" way, the way I expected, or the way things Should have happened." Do you hear the dashed expectations? Without meaning to, we all think about how things "should be" and have sure expectations that remain inexpressive for the most part. When "they" don't happen that way - anger is the succeed in varying intensity. Do you have a sense of entitlement that all things should happen "your" way? Have people let you have your way for years because of your rage? Is it hard for you to take personal responsibility - and easier to blame others for your anger?
A thinking health goal is to learn how to retort when things don't happen like we think they should. We unmistakably can't control the events around us, or the people around us, or the circumstances that swirl daily around us. But, we can choose how to respond. Life happens - and we get to adjust. If we don't choose to adjust, we stay angry.
Let's take it apart. Anger is a signal, then, that things didn't happen right. What do we do with that thought? If we are in an adjust mode, it is thinking and emotional wellness to think about the frustration inside our heads or talk about it with someone else person. I have been teaching a way to reframe our thinking that helps us adjust and will share it here. You create two columns on a page. First - in the left-hand column, you write about your anger. You might have sentences like, "I am so angry about _____." Next, you move to the right-hand column, opposite your listing on the left. Give yourself some time now to think about any insights that come to mind and what is unmistakably True. Write those things down. A download of countless paragraphs will begin flowing. The third step is to "camp there." Yes, it is self-talk. Yes, it is changing channels inside our heads. But, we are no longer stuck. Yes, you many occasionally go back to the left-hand column, but now you can turn channels and go back to the right. You don't have to stay angry.
If we don't choose to adjust - it is our option to stay angry. We don't Have to get mad or stay mad. But! We can't blame our anger on anything or anything. It is a faulty statement to say, "You make me so mad." A true statement is, "You bumped my cup and anger is arrival out of my mind and heart." I like to draw for clients 2 coffee cups bumping. Many people or circumstances bump our cups! What is key is realizing that you own the response for what comes out of your cup. We cannot unmistakably blame that on anything else. We may try, but it doesn't fly!
Disclaimer: These comments about anger are not a substitute for expert counseling and are not meant to be all that you might need. The comments are ideas meant to encourage you and stimulate even other ideas that might be helpful in a general sense for your situation.
0 comments:
Post a Comment